There are many times in life that I am consistent in what I do, and other times where I, well… am less consistent.
Here are the 3 phases that I have experienced with "Failing"
1. Failing Further
2. Trying Again and being OK with failure
3. Being too comfortable with failure
Failing Further
I have seen many people (Including myself) who set out to complete a goal, fail and due to the failure end up failing further. Failing further is when you did not accomplish what you set out to do, so rather than getting back on track despite being slightly off course, you end up veering hard left, because “why not- failing is failing. Since I messed up, It won’t matter if I mess up a little or a lot!” Well, let me tell you – this is NOT TRUE. You CAN fail further. Understand that failure is not black and white. You can fail at a task, but you do not want to fail further.
For example: You set out to lose weight and you are going to “eat clean” for a week. You are 3 days into it, and then your friend cooks some cinnamon rolls. Now this friend normally doesn’t make sweets, and he/she is a relatively healthy individual – so since they made an exception, you make an exception. You think - “One cinnamon roll won’t kill me.” And you are right – it won’t. Later that day, you are faced with another meal that is outside of your diet, and you know you shouldn’t eat it, but because you ate the cinnamon roll earlier, you make the excuse for the next cheat meal, so it is just a “Cheat Day” rather than only the cheat meal. Can you see how this could be failing further? You could have stopped with the one cinnamon roll, but then that was the reasoning for the next one.
Learning how to accept and be okay with failure is important. Understand it is a part of the process and despite failing, you choose to get back on track – immediately. So what you ate the cinnamon roll? You can then get back on track quickly and choose to avoid sweets the remainder of the week. This comes with practice, and something you will get better at.
Trying again and being OK with failure
Over the years, I have learned and put into practice that although I fail, I will get up and do it again and again until I succeed. To pick myself up quickly, I learned not to beat myself up or sulk in where I am or where I was– all that I need to do is go again, and again… and again, until I have accomplished what I said I would. Over time, I started embracing failure. The power of knowing I could fail once and KNOW that I would continue, get back up again and again until the goal was complete.. THAT is an amazing feeling. It turns into the new truth that the only way you can fail is by giving up. If you do not give up, each perceived “failure” turns into only “learning lessons”. Great perspective right? - I thought so too.
Being too comfortable with failure
Don’t get me wrong this IS a good way to approach failure – a lot better than failing further. All I am suggesting is to be careful about the amount of time you stay with this thought process. This is where things can get dangerous, which is why I want you to be aware. With the thought process that “there is always a next time”, the thought of failure turns from a negative (I failed, and many times I will fail further), into a positive(Every failure is a learning Lesson) , back into a negative (I now lack the discipline to try and put forth effort every time, because I have accepted that it is not important to try when I do not feel like it, because I know I will eventually get it done.)
Now maybe you don’t think this way…. Yet… but if you are anything like me, I think It is something to be conscious of and learn from my experience. This turned into me embracing, accepting and being proud of failing– knowing that I would eventually get it right. From this, stemmed many bad behaviors, excuses for continuing with bad habits, and was ultimately the reason I started back to failing further.
Can you see how this can go back into a full circle? For along time I couldn’t – until in a very harsh way I was called out on it. Infront of a group, I was confronted and felt ashamed for the way I treated a situation that I continued to fail at, and I was able to speak of the failure like it was nothing – because it was nothing to me at this point. The reaction from people I cared about and my inability to feel shame or guilt for continually failing was a huge eye opener for me. This was a space I did not want to be in and quickly learned the power of becoming comfortable with failure, was a scary place to be. I couldn’t see it myself, until many people saw it within me and was disappointed.
I encourage you not to be comfortable with failure – not to coast – have high expectations of yourself. Do not fail further, give yourself grace, but never become comfortable in failure.